A Year of Funnies

A year of funnies, mostly by Jake.

1/4/19
Me: We’re going to Fun World.
Jake: Is it fun like the grocery store?
Me: Um, no. Even more fun than that, if you can believe it! (The key to happiness is low expectations!)

1/18/19
Jake and I left the Pack Meeting early, leaving the rest of the family there. Shortly after we got in the car, Jake started sobbing. Concerned, I asked what was wrong. He said, "I need my family back! They are my friends!"

1/25/19
Jake: Sharks eat fish and turtles eat sandwiches.

1/26/19
When Jake is closing a prayer he always says, “And the name is...” instead of “In the name of...” and I find it kind of perfect. He is the One that makes it all possible.

2/8/19
Jake: Mommy, after lunch will you put some more snow outside, please?
Me: I can’t.
Jake: But why?!

2/10/19
When Jake wants something he’ll state his request (demand) and then say, “Ok? Ok.” Giving me no chance to agree or disagree.

2/13/19
Jake (On the way to church) Are you happy now?
Me: Yes.
Jake: Yay! Sometimes mommy’s not happy before church.

2/20/19
Jake occasionally tells me he’s going to send me on time out to my room. Fine by me! 

2/26/19
Jake: Mom, sometimes kids are weird.

3/7/19
Jake: Can I have a cracker?
Me: Can you ask nicely?
Jake: I’m asking nice with my eyeballs, look, “Can I have a cracker,” (as he wiggles his eyebrows up and down).

3/13/19
Jake: The sun is brighting me!

3/20/19
A while ago I told Jake about St Patrick’s day and how leprechauns would come and leave him candy. For weeks after that he would tell everyone, strangers and friends alike, that the clowns were coming into his house to give him candy. Out of context (which it always was!) that sounds pretty creepy! But rest assured, the clowns/leprechauns did come and candy was left and Jake was pleased.

3/21/19
Jason and I are going to China in a couple of days (eek!) and so I was talking to Jake about it and trying to help him understand that I was going to be gone for several days. He was asking questions and was seeming to understand and was ok about it. I assured him I would talk to him on the phone while I was gone and that’s when he started to get upset: “But are you taking your phone with you?!” When I said yes, that is when he started to cry 😂 Good to know where I fall in the order of things!

4/4/19
Often when I tell Jake I love him, he says, “No, you love daddy. Ali loves me.”

4/6/19
Jake and I took his brother and sister to the doctor for their physicals two days in a row (twins: she wants a girl doctor and he wants a boy doctor; I get it). They had to get shots. As we left the second day, Jake (who’d had no shots) loudly and in a fairly cheerful voice said, “I really hate this place!” He said it several times, and the nurses and receptionist were almost rolling on the floor with their laughter.

4/8/19
Jake: We don’t bite people, just food.

4/12/19
Jake: Excuse me. I barked.
Me: You mean burped?
Jake: Nope, I barked.

4/13/19
Me: (Bringing in tons of food including desserts)
Jake: Is that for me?!
Me: No, it’s for the church ladies.
Jake: But I’m a church boy!

4/26/19
Jake kept telling me he loved the sound of the sunshine. I thought he was being whimsical until he pointed out the sunshine to me...our wind chime.

4/30/19
Jake: Crazy brothers are the best!

5/2/19
Jake often refers to his siblings as “my kids and my girl.”

5/18/19
Eli: Bees are interes-STING!

5/28/19
Jake: What do I smell like? I smell, like, bad...

6/22/19
We often remind Jake that potty words are only to be used in the bathroom (where they might actually be necessary!) and today I heard him in the bathroom gleefully yell, “I’m in the bathroom so I can say potty words!” Then he loudly says several (I’ll let you use your imagination), and then asks me, “Can you tell me more potty words so I can say them too?”

6/25/19
Jake: Let’s do a Minecraft! (He meant craft...but the other word is used so often around here he got mixed up 😂)

7/4/19
Jake: Mommy, I love you even when you’re grumpy.

7/8/19
Eli to Jake (grumpily): Why are you looking at me?
Jake (sweetly, sincerely): Because you’re just so pretty. And so, so smart.
Eli (less grumpy): Umm, ok...

7/9/19
Jake: Am I going to hiccup again?
Me: You mean throw up, and I sure hope not.

7/11/19
Jake has his time outs at the top of the basement stairs with the door shut. Our basement is finished, well-lit and full of toys he loves to play with; he plays down there all the time. But whenever I’m taking him to time out he always wails, “But the Zombies!”

7/31/19
Me: We need to keep crumbs off the floor or we’ll get ants.
Jake: Well, if the ants come, we can just buy more food!

8/2/19
Jake: I need a haircut. See my cat ears are really long (pulls up tufts of hair).

8/2/19
Ali: Can I bring a bag for my books on vacation?
Me: Yes. Yes you can.

8/15/19
Jake: When we go to the mountains will you hold my hand really tight so I’ll be so safe?

8/23/19
Jake was brave enough to try his two wheeler (with training wheels) the other day, and he as he was riding he kept saying, "The kids will be so improud of me (a mix of proud and impressed)!" I love that thinking of his siblings' reactions was his motivation!

8/25/19
Jake: Will you make me some chicken nuggets?
Me: I’m in the bathroom right now. You can wait for me or ask your dad who is in the kitchen, by the way.
Jake (singing Mumford and Sons style): I will wait, I will wait for you!

8/30/19
Jake: Can I have a sleepover with Eli?
Me: Sure.
Jake: Yes!!! (Does a happy dance.)
(PS: They share a room...😁)

9/5/19
Jake: If you fall what do moms do? They catch you!

9/6/19
Jake: I liked having Grandpa here, because I love him!
Me too Jake! Thanks for the surprise visit, dad!

9/12/19
Me to Jake: It’s picture day so you need to look nice.
Jake: I AM nice.
Me: Well, yes, but you need to look handsome.
Jake: I AM handsome.
Me: Yes, that’s true.
Jake: So I’ll just stay in my pajamas.

9/21/19
Me: What color dog should we get?
Jake: Green!
Well, he’s not green but we think our Max is pretty cute!

9/30/19
Jake: I’m really good at criss cross applesaucing.
At least preschool is good for something.

10/1/19
Jake: You do the mixing and I’ll do the tasting (of the cookie dough).

10/2/19
Ali: The only things I really want for Christmas are books and chocolate.

10/16/19
If I ask Jake to do something he doesn’t want to he says, “Let’s pretend I did that.”

10/22/19
Jake is always asking me to define words and phrases. Some are easy like “freak out” or “fortress” but it’s funny how hard it is to define other words like “especially.”

10/23/19
Jake was mad at some people and said, “ You’re being...a Laman and Lemuel!”

10/31/19
Jake: It’s sure a lizard out there.
Me: It’s called blizzard; b-b-b blizzard.
Jake: No! It’s LIZARD. L-l-l lizard!

11/12/19
Me: Eew! Who put their buggers on the couch?!
Child who shall remain nameless: Not me! Well, not today anyway.

12/9/19
Jake: It’s fun being with each other.

12/10/19
Jake: I have a question to tell you. (This is a phrase he says almost daily, which is followed 99% of the time with a statement rather than a question.)

12/13/19
Jake: I just need to cry for a little bit.

12/14/19
Jake: That is the Best Song EVER! (The song in the radio was “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max 😂)

12/19/19
Jake: Can you play with me?
Me: Not right now, I have _______ (a million things) to do.
Jake: Mom, look at my face. I NEED you to play with me. (Such a sad face)
Me: OK, let’s play.

12/20/19
If you hear someone singing, “Oh, ho, the mistletoe hung where you can see,” loud and in public and on repeat, that’s just Jake.