A Year of (Mostly Jake) Funnies

1/4/18
Eli: I like our house, but I especially like it when it smells like brownies!

1/6/18
Eli: She’s wearing a tater top.
Me: A what? Oh, a tank top.
Eli: Yep, I like to call them tater tops.

1/10/18
Me: I love you Logan.
Logan: Thanks.

1/11/18
Eli: Why do movies always end that way, with people kissing?! Yuck!

1/12/18
When I’m helping Jake say the blessing on the food and prompt him to say, “please bless it,” he often says, “please breakfast,” 

1/18/18
Eli picked up a craft/activity book and a bunch of half cut up pieces of paper fell out and he says, “Now that’s what I call a scrapbook!”

1/23/18
Eli looked at my hair this morning, giggled, and said, “Your hair looks like a tsunami!”

1/26/18
While watching Frozen Eli asked what a “fixer-upper” was, and then he spent the rest of the afternoon singing the song with his own revised lyrics: “I’m a bit of a fixer-upper, I’ve got some problems but I am great!”

1/29/18
Eli: My favorite day of the week is Saturday, and Sunday, and Monday, and Thursday...actually I like every day.

1/30/18
Jake will often tell me things he likes, but he always tacks on “too” at the end of the sentence, like he’s agreeing with someone rather than stating a fact (“I like books too,” or “I like ice cream too,”). For some reason I find it adorable and it makes me smile every time.

2/1/18
Jake calls the movie “chicken little” (a current favorite) something that sounds like “bunny caught.” Not sure how I figured that one out, but I’m pretty sure it qualifies me for super mom status (at least for today).

2/5/18
Jake: Ooh look, clouds! I like clouds too!” (The clouds were exhaust coming from cars!)

2/19/18
Me: Logan, sometimes I just can’t win with you.
Logan: That’s true.

2/21/18
If Jake happens to see Jason at church he will tell him, “Have a good day!”

2/22/18
When Jake wants me to chase him he says, "Come get us!"

2/24/18
Eli: When I grow up I’m going to be a leprechaun.

3/5/18
Jake has started telling me when he’s “not happy,” just in case I couldn’t figure it out from all his other two-year-old clues.

3/6/18
Eli: Do I have to go to school today? I’ve already learned a lot!

3/9/18
Logan: I could put arrowheads on my pinewood derby car; that would make it aerodynamic!

3/10/18
All around town I hear from Jake, “Go dogs, go, the light is green now!” and “Stop dogs, stop! The light is red now!” Thanks PD Eastman; you’ve made my two-year-old a back seat driver and me a dog!

3/12/18
Eli: I think I’m allergic to something at school, I keep achooing a lot there.

3/13/18
Me: Logan, you need a haircut. Your neck hairs are getting out of control.
Logan: I like my neck hairs; they make me manly.

3/17/18
Me: Jake, stop standing on our chair rungs!
Eli: Two rungs don’t make a right!

3/19/18
Eli: When Jake gets older he be a more sneaky stealer. When I was little like him you could always tell when I stealed things, but when I got a little older-nope!”

3/29/18
Alison: It was deeper than an Abraham Lincoln!

4/12/18
Me to Jake: You can watch that when the kids go to the bus in ten minutes.
Jake (immediately): Kids! Time for the bus!

4/23/18
If you ask Jake if he’s a baby, he’ll point to his nose and say, “No, I’m Jakey!” My baby is three!

4/26/18
Eli: Everyone in my class, their mom makes their lunch!
Me: Aren’t you glad you’re responsible enough to make your own?
Eli: Arg (eye roll).

4/28/18
Jake knows how much I dislike snakes so whenever he finds one in a book or a toy he asks me what it is (knowing what the answer will be) and then he always says, “Snake, yes, sorry mommy.”

5/2/18
Jake: What’s that?
Me: A mummy.
Jake: No, that’s not a mommy! It’s a monster!

5/3/18
Jake: I want some letters candy! 
Me: Sure you can have some M&Ms

5/6/18
Jake unrolled a whole roll of toilet paper and was then told never to do it again because it makes me crazy. Now every time we’re in the bathroom (and when you’re potty training that’s often) Jake points to the roll and says, “Mommy’s crazy! Now mommy’s happy!”

5/9/18
Jake: What are you eating?
Me: Mini wheats.
Jake: Can I have some mommy wheats?

5/9/18
Jake calls wolves owls (because they say “awoo!”...makes sense to me!)

5/10/18
Jake: Where does the poo go?
Me: To the sewers.
Jake: Yes, to the sauers, to the dinosaurs! Go to the dinosaurs poo!
(Now sometimes when we go into the bathroom he says he’s going to see the dinosaurs!)

5/14/18
One of Eli’s Mother’s Day notes said, “I love you because you do everything.” That about sums it up!

5/22/18
Jake: Mommy is a BIG boy!

5/23/18
You know your three-year-old has older siblings when he says, “Fine!” with all the attitude of a preteen when he’s annoyed.

6/21/18
Jake never just says he wants something, he always says, “I want NEED (something)!”

6/22/18
Eli: I got to the part in my book with the ghost!
Jake: It’s the Holy Ghost!
Eli: Um, no.

7/1/18
Me to Jake: You’re just the biggest boy.
Jake: Nope, I’m just a little guy.

7/5/18
Alison: Mom! Dad’s being weird! (Happy birthday, Jason!)

7/18/18
When Jake is tired of walking he will say, “Mom, I want need a snuggle!” Smart boy! I could easily resist if he asked me to carry him, but who can resist a snuggle?!

7/21/18
Looking at the pile of library books he just checked out, Jake giggled and said, “Books is best!”

8/2/18
For some reason Jake frequently says, “It’s not a scary ghost, it’s a happy ghost!” And now he uses that phrase for all sorts of things: “It’s not a scary basement, it’s a happy basement,” and so on. I’ve heard him say it about dogs, bathrooms, cars, and more.

8/6/18
Me: (In a public restroom) Eew this toilet is gross.
Jake: Mommy, silly people pee too.

8/8/18
If Jake doesn’t want to do something he will say “it’s dirty” or “it’s sticky.” He has said it recently about naps, dinner, and the store.

8/25/18
Jake asked me to read him something and when I did he said, “Mommy, I’m so proud you could read that!”

8/28/18
Jake: Can we have pancakes?
Me: Not today.
Jake: O-oh, but pancakes are so cute!

8/29/18
Jake: Mommy, can I have that cookie? It’s so, so beautiful!

8/30/18
Eli: Stop talking fancy! Use kid language so I can understand you!

9/1/18
Jake has asked every day this week if it is time to go trick-or-treating yet. He comes by his love for holidays natural, considering I’ve already bought several Christmas presents

9/4/18
Whenever I tell Jake “no” about something he will ask again and then add, “Yes or no?” Like he’s reminding me there is an option other than “no.” 

9/12/18
Jake, who loves Scooby Doo, The Lord of the Rings, and A Christmas Carol, won’t watch Thomas the Train because the trains are “creepy.”

9/15/18
When Jake wants something to eat that he’s pretty sure I’ll say no if he asks, he becomes all reasonable and says, “Can I maybe just have ONE cookie/piece of candy/donut/etc?”

9/17/18
Jake to me: “You’re making dinner AGAIN?! That doesn’t make any sense.” I agree!

9/20/18
When people ask Jake how he is, he must hear “who” because every time he says, “I’m Jakey!”

9/23/18
When Jake is annoyed with me he says, “Esh!” As in a word, not a sound. If he’s extra annoyed he changes it to “Esh-a!”

9/24/18
Jake: Mommy, your watch has a clock on it!

9/26/18
Jake: Mommy don’t forget your person! (Purse)

9/27/18
Jake: Mommy, your belly is like a slide. I like it!

9/28/18
Jake was looking in the fridge for something to eat and said these two sentences with no pause, as though they were related: “I want yogurt. I’m afraid of bats.”

9/30/18
Looking at the sign on the women’s bathroom door Jake said, “M. That spells ‘bathroom’!”

10/17/18
Jake kept telling me all morning to “focus, Mommy.” 

10/20/18
Jake calls everything Mr Whatever. Often that makes some sense, like Mr Dinosaur or Mr Car or Mr Daddy, but sometimes it’s Mr Mommy or Mr Girl or Mr Jackie and then it makes me laugh.

10/22/18
We went for a walk to look at the Halloween decorations in our neighborhood and I hear Jake giving himself this pep talk, “It’s ok, Jakey, you can be brave. Be brave.”  He’s had quite a love/hate relationship with Halloween this year; he can’t get enough of it, but it also scares him a bit.

10/25/18
When I ask Jake to do something he doesn’t want to, he will often say, “I’m too busy, Mommy.”

10/28/18
Me: Jake, put your shoes on your feet.
Jake: No, Mommy, I’m going to put them on my socks!

10/30/18
Jake: I want some juice.
Me: How about some milk?
Jake: No, milk is for cows.

11/6/18
Jake: What color are my eyes?
Me: Blue.
Jake: No, they’re blue, black and white!

11/8/18
On a week night Jason comes down the stairs in a suit and Jake says, “You’re going to church AGAIN?!” Seriously, though, I’m grateful for my husband who serves faithfully and tirelessly and the example that is to our kids; even the littlest one notices.

11/12/18
Jake: You’re my best friend, mom.

11/15/18
Jake to me: Good job writing your name, Mommy! You’re such a big boy!

11/20/18
Jake (to me): Are you a mom or a girl?
Me: Both.
Jake: Both?! That’s funny; you’re just a mommy.

11/21/18
Jake: Mom, can I have some more strawberries?
Me: No.
Jake: “You can!” Say THAT mom!

11/26/18
Jake: Can I play with these?
Me: Those are for when we go to church.
Jake: Can we go to church?

11/29/18
When we are all having a family conversation Jake will often say, “It’s my turn to talk!” And when we all quite down to listen to him he always says, “The volcano erupted all the people!” So random!

12/4/18
Me: I’m going to go exercise.
Jake: I’m going to stay here (he was lounging on the couch watching a movie) and exercise like this (and he wiggles his eyebrows).

12/9/18
Jake: I’m going to help make your heart happy (and then he gives me a hug).

12/20/18
Jake: I need some chompstick (chapstick).

12/26/18
Jake: What’s that smell?
Me: Exhaust.
Jake: Yes, egg sauce. Yuck.

12/26/18
Eli: The funny thing about the living room and the dining room is that I always think people are saying the living room and the DYING room!

12/29/18
The TV show stalled and the “thinking” circle was going around and around. I said, “Why is it thinking?” And Jake said, “It’s thinking about Jesus.”